we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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