i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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