you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize