When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
