the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
