she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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