I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
