Don't make out with my wife yet
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
