Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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