These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize