This dress was meant to end up on your floor
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
