I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize