I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
