please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Sorry about my life...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
