This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
