i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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