The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
