So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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