I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize