Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
