When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
