I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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