I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
