I'm jealous of your bromance
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I deserve this hangover.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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