I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize