Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
