I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
50% drunk capacity currently
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
