It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
