Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
