Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
