i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
