How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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