Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
