Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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