update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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