apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
