Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
