There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
