News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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