She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
