Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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