i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
