peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm determined to sit on that face.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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