I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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