I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
is it fun? or sober?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
