It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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