Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
