I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
