I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
