how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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