Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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