you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
