Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
her vagine was all disorganized.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
