Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
vagina is talking i cant
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
