I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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