just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize