But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
