You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
