47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
