You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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