i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
