She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
they need to just BURY HIM!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
