69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
