He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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