dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
