he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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