she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize