my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize