I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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