Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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