She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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