Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
