So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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