just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
