The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
