Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
