I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
