literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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