Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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