ya dads aren't the best wingmen
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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