I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Jerry, you need to find god
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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