Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
