3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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