we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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