I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
