Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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