i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
