We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
