Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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