nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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