evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
