You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
