This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
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Do I have a choice?
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Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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