wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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