i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
