what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
