she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
