we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
