literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
