So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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