I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize