So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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