batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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