I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
