3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
