i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
honey bunches of taint.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
