So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
