I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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