Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
