if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Randomize
