whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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