lets start a swedish sibling band together
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
