Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
