i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
