when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Randomize
