Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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