just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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