He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
