what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
