Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
